The Fuck, What (Last Name, First Name)

There have been a few "What the Fuck" moments the past few weeks.

Last week I went with a few people to the taping of So You Think You Can Dance Canada.  Live?  Fuck that shit.  We went to a group performance and it is pretty obvious they are previously taped.  They have complex costumes, tons of make-up, and about 45 seconds after they finish the dance they come back on stage in dance clothes. . . plus there are the close of shots of the dancers, then the cut to the entire stage and there is no camera man on stage.  It's because they recorded the dance a solid 7-8 times the day before.  And then they taped Leah Miller's entrance a few times.  The best thing about this day - That involved standing in the studio for 3 hours -  was when my friend Sam (who looks like Leah Miller) and I went on stage and dance like twats.  Unfortunately, we went on a day when an entire performing arts school went. . . so our shopping cart and sizzling bacon looks ridiculous next to the 15 years olds lunging across the stage with wondrous grace.

So then I watch the episode that night, which was of the couples dancing - which I'm pretty sure was taped on Monday.  So this couple, Joey and Tamina, did this hip hop dance that was awesome.  I'm not Gwen Stefani, but I'm pretty sure that shit was Bananas.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WITCi8NOJmw   Watch it.  Anyway, I liked it, I found out that Tamina is a business student at Ryerson, so I decided to vote for them.  I have never voted for anything before, but I really wanted them to move on.  So I voted.  A solid 10 times.  The next day I tuned in and they were in the bottom 3.  WTF?  So they danced for their lives and then Tamina was sent home by the judges.  What the Fuck.  Then Joey was sent home. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!  I have have the kiss of mother fucking death!  Such a piss off.  I'm never voting for anything ever again.  Even federal and provincial elections.  I hate democracy!

Oh, when walking through the alley between my residence and an apartment building I saw a homeless man in a wheel chair shooting up.  WTF?

Someone was stabbed JUST off campus. WTF??

Some man on the corner of Dundas and Yonge holds out brochures about Jesus and looks at the ground.  About every 30 second he yells "BELIEVE!" or "JESUS!".  WTF?  My friend Dylan pointed out he probably thinks he is speaking in tongues.

I got no call back from Milestones.  FTS - (fuck that shit)

I applied to Johnny Rockets where they sing and dance because I thought it would be funny.  The manager looked at my resume, told me about the training process, asked if I had any problem dancing every once in a while, and told me he would put my resume through and call me the next day.  That was 5 days ago. FTS times two.

There was an anthrax scare at Ryerson today!  WHAT THE MOTHER FUCKING SHIT?!?!  Apparently this happened a month ago and I never new about it.  Anthrax?  ANTHRAX?? 

I found out in MLA essay formats you aren't supposed to put two spaces after a period.  Every essay I have ever written was improperly formatted.  As is this blog entry. Fuck. My. Life.

Peace 

Chris

The Bran Bars

I wanted a healthy snack yesterday

I bought a box of bran bars

I was surprised by their good taste

I had three

I expected fluid diarrhea

I just had a BM

I found it to be quite stiff

WTF?

The First Few Weeks

Well, It's been a while hasn't it?

Sorry this took so long to get up, I've been busy/painfully lazy the past couple weeks and now I am procrastinating the studying of my Art History text; although I shouldn't because the effing thing cost 170 bucks.  But you know, it's ok, because I should consider it an 'investment' . . . sure.

The first few weeks have been interesting.  I've actually made friends (YAY!) with people on my floor and I am getting to know some people in my program too.  I will however, probably only get to know half of the photography students by the end of the year because they have split us into two groups. There was an opportunity for me to meet everyone else, mingle, and eat crackers and cheese all while looking at photography at the Ryerson Gallery on Spadina but that didn't go nearly as it should have.  First I had to walk there from school because I'm too cheap to pay for the subway; so by the time I got there I was covered in sweat - a perfect opportunity for first impressions!  Then there was the introduction to the Gallery  and then there was mingling.  I stood by the cracker table, ate cracker and cheese, and talked to two girl in the program.  I new one of them was in class with me but I swear to God I hadn't seen the other one before, but what do ya know? we are in the same group.

We introduced each other.  We talked a little.  I forgot both their names.  I walked away faking an interest in the portraits on the wall.  I quietly and quickly fucked off and walked back to school so I could have a nap before my next class in which I would undoubtedly see these two girls.  I still don't know one of their names.

Apparently we are going to be developing our own film right away and I am one of the only people that has never been in a dark room.  The majority of people in the program are right out of high school but they took photography class in school and have developed their own stuff. WTF?  REALLY?  Really.  What does, however, bring us all to the same level - I hope - Is the 4x5 camera we are going to be using.  It's one of those accordion cameras that you need a black drop over to see what you are taking a picture of.  Should be a good time.

Our first, and as of yet only assignment is a self portrait.  I've attached a few that I took.

Good God that took for effing ever to upload them.  

That's pretty much all I got to say for now.  See you soon!

Peace

Chris

The Disappointed Manic

August 25, 2008

So I wasn't really planning on writing this often but something came up that needed to be addressed - and no, it's not my shitty spelling. Today we had our picture taken together, ALL of the residence together and then right after we did all these activities organized by our Residence council. Well, I didn't. I planned to go buy things I needed, such as pillows and towels. Yup. This morning I dried myself off with my residence shirt since it was the biggest/cleanest piece of absorbent material I had that I wasn't going to wear or use soon. Our Residence floor President made us Pancakes and then we had a meeting about the day. We were told to go get our Residence shirts for the picture. F my life. I threw the soggy shirt into the dryer (which cost me a buck) and waited about 40 minutes for it to dry. When we left I took it out and it was slightly less soggy but still soggy enough to be annoying. Whatever, I was just wearing it for the picture.

After the picture I threw the savage shirt back into my room and went shopping for Pillows, Comforter, and towels. Side note*: holy mother fucking shit are comforters ever expensive; and I only found one that wasn't made in China and it was 130 bucks. Fuck that noise, I'm waiting for the Ikea trip! Anyway, I got everything else including a cell phone (My new number is on facebook) and just as I started unpacking my stuff in my dorm I heard a knocking on the door. It was Shiloh, my Residence Adviser for my floor. Now Shiloh isn't as bounce off the walls manic as the other RAs, but he's still enthusiastic and likable.

"Wear were you?"
"Shopping. I needed towels."
"There are times for you to do that."
"I thought the event were going all night." I actually did. I was going to unpack and join them right away.
"No, It's over now. Now would have been a time for you to get the stuff you needed."

As it turns out, only 4 of the 25 people on my floor went out to represent us. Crap.

The Resident President said it was depressing. We literally were the least represented floor of all the residence buildings. There are about 25 floors.

And before we went for dinner as a 'family' - I still hate the cultish term - our RA said it was disappointing how few people showed up. Good God. I would usually role my eyes at this but he meant it. It WAS depressing.

So now I have an emotional obligation to go to every other orientation event I can. Just now, at 10:15pm someone came to the door and tried to get me to go to some comedy show. . . SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?! It's 10:00!! Aren't I just a rip roaring college student?

Peace

Chris

The First Day

Today has been my first day at Ryerson and it has been quite interesting. First I got up at 3 in the morning after MAYBE two and a half hours of sleep, probably due to anxiety.Once I woke up I had this horrendous naesous feeling in my stomach. Was it the anxiety of leaving, was it the fact that I only had 2 and a half hours of sleep? I don't know. But I finished packing my crap and we were off to the air port at 4:30.
As expected, Mom cried instantly when I hugged her at security. We had been waiting for that moment for a few weeks now, not with anticipation but just in knowing that it was inevitable. Security sucked but made me feel safe, the flight was long, I kind slept, blah blah same old shit.
My Aunt Michelle and Aunt Jackie picked me up from the airport and we went to lunch which I tried extremly hard to pay for but - being the loving Aunts they are they kept shoving money into my pocket. So I ended up buying toilet paper, crackers and shampoo with it. Next step, a towel!
But what I really want totell you about is the INSANITY of the orientation. Not totally in a good way. It's not like "Whoa Dude, that was awesome! It was totally insane!" Not at all. It's the enthusiasm that is insane if not down-right cult like.
I hate orientations with a passion. You go trhough all this bullshit that is mainly commen sense and there is always one tool in the crowd who has to make up ridiculous hypothetical scenarios to, I don't know, test the limits of authority? attempt to be funny in front of all the new people? Either way it's been drilled into me that we can't walk around with open alcohol and can't dink if we are underage, as most people are. Sweet. I'm with a shat load of 17 and 18 year old. Swell.
Then there was the pep ralley. Seriously. We had a pep ralley where we all chanted really crappy chants with the rest of the people from our building. Then we did this strange team building, bango smashing group thing - that was actually kind of fun. What got me here was a couple of things. The first of which are the RA and the Council Presidents. They must be either high on speed or at least a little mentally retarded. They were running around with their heads cut off trying to hype the crowd like we were a fleet of tweens going to see Hannah Montana. Better yet, a fleet of tweens going to see Hannah Montana with the Jonas Brothers opening up for her. Again, at least a little bit mentally retarded.
Secondly, this is REALLY what gets me, is how they tell us we are going to be a family. Ew. No. Absolutely not. I don't want to be your family. I don't know who you are. You can't throw 783 people in a gymnasium, have them smash some drumbs and expect them to be the best of friends. It is so bizzare and strange and probably the most unnatural way to make friends. You don't make friends through forced activity, you make them through experience. You make them in an environment where they aren't pressured to be open with every flippin person they meet. (I remembered two names today) You don't make them because you are in a new place and you so desperatly need someone next to you to make you feel likeable. You make them because you get along with them and it would be stupid not to be friends with them. Socialization is so awkward and strange to begin with and it's even stranger when it's forced. Why can't I just ease into it like I have with every other successful friendship I've ever had? Why can't we slowly get to understand each other's humour so that I can slip in an inappropriate joke about someone that annoys us both? or about dead babies? Why does it matter if our dorm building wins the cultish chanting competition? Because maybe, when we throw ourselves into these ridiculous situations, we will find others that respond to it in the same way. There's gotta be someone else that is going to try to avoid Orientation Week and wait for a chance to build friendships in a normal social environment. . . maybe I should hunt him/her/them down.

Peace

Chris

The Virgin Post

HOLLA! HOLLA!

This, obviously, is the first post in my Toronto blog.  Oddly enough I am not yet in Toronto.  I move on Sunday and once I get settled into residence and have internet I will begin posting blogs chronicling my misadventures and hi-jinks in The T-dot.  I have heard from many people that I will love Toronto.  I've heard form others that I will despise it with every fibre of my being and long for the comfort of my mother's arms back in Alberta.  Many examples of each are bound to pop up through out my four years (minimum) of being in Toronto, that I can assure you.  One other thing I can assure you is that whenever one of these examples pops up I will be writing about it here with all my cynical, pretentious, sarcasm that we have all come to know and love. . . or at least learned to put up with.

Thanks for at least reading this first post.  There will be a bunch more to come.

Peace

Chris